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"Oh, Erik! The last thing I intended to do was to tease you. In fact, I am most serious about my feelings for you. Please believe me when I tell you that I want you as much as you want me. And, I would love to accept your proposal and make a life with you. But, we both know that I am not ready to do that ... not yet. I do not wish for anything to happen to you because of this damnable power that seems to control my life. I ... I am sorry. It is just that when you touch me, I do not wish to control myself. My entire life has been that of me controlling my wants and desires. Ever since the death of my papa, I held back from those around me, remaining both untouched and unloved. I listened and watched as everyone lived around me. I have hidden behind a mask, pretending that I did not want the same things other women wanted, but I do want them. Actually, I want you, Erik! My body aches with its need of you. When you place your hands on me, I burn deep inside. You are not the only one that. "Sandi, dear, my energy comesfrom helping others."As we sipped our tea, she continued in a different vein. "Look, I knowtoday was exhausting, but if you do decide to go to New York, then you'llhave a passable wardrobe. And don't worry, we can return part or all ofthis if you decide not to go. It's plain to see that you're still ofseveral minds on the subject, which is to be expected, I suppose. If thisis too much too soon, step back and take a few deep breaths. Think of itthis way: you've exploring your options. With this wardrobe you canexplore one option. In the end, of course, it's all up to you."It was gratifying to hear her say these things that certainly roilingaround in my brain. Just to take my mind off myself, I went on adifferent tack. "When Bitsy Holland called, you must have known what thatcall implied. I've had a chance to absorb the fact that you and she areold friends, and that you thought the better of telling me right then.But I want to know what kind of person is.
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